A Theory

I’m insanely busy these days,and it seems like everyone I talk to is,as well. (I’m ashamed to admit that I briefly mulled over the idea of adopting those Mormon undergarments,because then I wouldn’t have to do laundry as often,because there just isn’t time.)

Tonight,someone posed the question,“Why?”Is it the season? Anxiety about the economy? The feeling of impending doom due to freakish global warming weather or bird flu or who knows what?

I considered this issue tonight,as I was skeining up yarn to dye tomorrow morning. Because,you know,the mind wanders. (It is a lot of yarn. I am not done. I am starting to believe that I will never be done,that daylight will find me lying prone and delirious on the floor,surrounded by unwound cakes of yarn.)

Here’s my theory:a portion (let’s say half) of the stuff on our plates is self-imposed and self-regulated. One eats,so one must go to the grocery store. One is not wearing Mormon undergarments as a protective layer,so one must do laundry.

Another portion,however,is dictated by the actions of other people. If I send you an email,you must take the time to read it. Once you have read it,you may send an email to another person,and they must read that message. If I say I need something back,you will feel obliged to take the time to stop by and return it.

In a sense,we’re all passing buckets down the same fireline. You take something off your plate and put it on mine,and I take something off my plate and put it on the next person’s.

The answer to what’s happened is obvious. Some jackass sped up. He started passing his buckets just a little bit faster,which meant that people had to deal with them a little bit faster still,and soon enough we’re all out of our minds with chores and errands and appointments.

People,this has got to stop. I propose that we find the jackass,and push him down a well.

Must go –yarn to wind! Groceries to put away! Sleep to (eventually) indulge in!

5 comments to A Theory

  • Okay,I googled Mormon undergarments (I’m a midwesterner,we don’t do Mormonism so much) and I still don’t understand exactly how they reduce one’s laundry burden. Duh.

  • Erika

    Hee! Well see,if you wore them,you’d only have to wash the undergarments,not the clothes. Sort of like how if you put a duvet cover over a down comforter,you only have to wash the duvet cover,not the comforter itself.

    And the undergarments get washed when you’re in the shower,because the thing about Mormon undergarments is that you NEVER TAKE THEM OFF. Ever. They have little flaps for doing your business,because you wear them 24/7.

  • Push the jackass down a well *and* place a very large rock on top of it. I think it’s a great theory!

    And ROFL on the Mormon undergarments! My mother’s Swedish grandparents came to America as Mormon converts –but I never got verification about laundering or not. [g] Mom just mentioned they were buried in them…

  • Patti

    I sent you an email. Why haven’t you answered yet?


  • Actually,I think the jackass probably just dumped the ENTIRE CONTENTS of his plate on the next person’s,and then ran off to Cabo or somewhere.

    Or at least that’s how it seems where I am.